|
Monday 13 January, 2003
Yes. I'm quite aware that I am BREAKING THE PATTERN. But is quite alright, as it is a new year, and besides, you're not the boss of me. Anyway, been having a superfabbity time being a big bad high school-er, using it as an excuse as to why I haven't written in about a month and a half. Christmas was good, better than expected lol, but hey, that's a good thing. I met my uncle Chris and Aunt Shell, rah sis boom bah. It's cool though, they're nice. Having a fun time being zany as per usual. Have discovered a newfound obsession with Lord of the Rings. (See below.) Go figure. Anyway, made some new friends, am kind of falling out with some old ones, but I guess that's to be expected. Having a teensy bit of a melodramatic teenaged crisis, as I am not sure I still want to go to the Freshman Dance with my forementioned date. Like, I never really talk to him, and I really, really like some one else right now. But speaking of really liking this person, I'm also not sure what I should do about it. Trying to advance our relationship might jeopardize friendship. But not advancing might jeopardize any chance I might have. So, it's just confusion lol. Anyway, I've got mid-terms this week, going insane lol. I think I'm stalling, and using updating my site as an excuse. Also, I've got a Newspaper article due in a few days, and I haven't even done any research. So, I've got a long night ahead of me. Lol, yeahhhhh. OH! HEY! January 18, 2003 - There's going to be a march to show anti-war seminent in Washington DC. PLEASE GO! If you want to go, please IM at OTHER1481 and I will do whatever I can to help you arrange a ride. I really want to show support for this. Anyway, going to pretend to be doing something productive lol. CYA!
| Aragorn |
|
|
| Man fancying is fun. |
Friday November Twenty-Ninth, 2002
I am bored. Lol. I added poetry, but I didn't feel like updating the updates, so I'm telling you here. Uhm, yeah so I had a fun day, I spend it with my dad shopping. We went to the Plaza.. INSANITY!! Seriousy, that was one of the craziest things we've ever done. There was no parking. Anywhere. There is nothing wrong with our economy.. And if there was, there isn't anymore. It was the prime example of an American's consumer-driven life. But anyway, I bought a lot of presents. (Yes, I am a consumerist.) If you're a friend of mine, be happy, cuz I probably got something for you today. Hey, if you're at the Court, check out 5 Below. It is the coolest store EVER!!!! I spent like 30 bucks there, but it was soo worth it!! Anyway, I'm gonna go, people are actually starting to get online, I shall be back soon. Happy Friday!
Thursday November Twenty-Eight, 2002
(jueves el veinte y ocho de noviembre)
Having fun with Spanish, sorry lol. I probably didn't even get that right. Charlie, is that right??? Lol. Yeah! So HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!! I really hope everyone has a great day. I'm learning to appreciate the things around me. I thank God for everything I have today, and for this wonderful life He has blessed me with. I thank my friends for being there for me through ANYTHING, and showing me the person I want to be. I thank my parents for giving me the support and love I need in life, along with the home they provide. I thank my teachers, and everyone around me day after day for being an inspiration to me, and leading me to do great things. I am in such a corny mood that I'm actually going to leave this message on here. Hehe. Yes, but seriously though, sometimes it seems like I take things for granted, but I want to take this opportunity to thank EVERYONE for EVERYTHING they have done for me. Each breath I take is a gift, and I am so grateful. So, have a great holiday everyone, I shall return.
With much love,
Chaela
Wednesday November Twenty-Seventh, 2002
Hey! Okay, so I know I never write anymore, but it's only cuz I want you to love me more! With absence, the heart grows fonder. Hehehe. Anyway, I've been super-busy with school and friends and drama, and everything, so this is my excuse lol. I got out at 10:30 today, but I went over Katie's so I didn't get home until around 7. So I signed my butt on and you know the rest lol. So yeah, school is going absolutely wonderabulous! I'm really really happy right now, and I jsut feel good lol! Uhm, nothing really interesting is happening in my life.. Well, we might be moving, but even if we do, that won't be for at least another month. We bought a minivan. We have officially entered suburbia. Domestic hellhole, here we come. Lol. Actually, I know this is lame, but I'm kind of excited, because I love driving a gazillion people home! (COFFEEHOUSE ANYONE!! LOL) So I'm waiting for a good opportunity to use it lol. Anyway, I shall update later. Toodles!
Thursday October Tenth, 2002
OKAY! So all I have to say is I LOVE HIGH SCHOOL! OmF! Absolute BRILLIANCE! Yes, its drama, and its awkward, but I love every minute of it! Can't wait for tomorrow! BYE!
Wednesday September Eleventh, 2002
Hum. Just writing to say "hi." It's 9-11 once again. I've changed a lot last year, I've realized. Iw ent back today and re-read my whole (written) diary. (The one I keep all the really special stuff int hat you will never read lmao.) Last year I was a totally different person. I've grown, and matured, and all that other crap. But I don't think much of it had to do with 9-11. It's weird, because I don't think this affected as much as or in the same way as everyone else. This day isn't like, full of hope and patriotism for me. It's a reminder of how evil exists in the world, how corrupt and uncaring and cold people can be. Kinda depressing actually. I don't know. I'll write more tomorrow about it. Cya.
Thursday August Twenty-Second, 2002
Isn't the world a wonderful place? I'm feeling so happy, it's incredible... I'm in love. And it's better than in the movies. And I'm so happy to be alive. Everybody get Savage Garden - Truly Madly Deeply. It's the best song in the world. Yeah, okay.. I'm excited, I'm going to get my roster tomorrow, I hope I get some good classes. Okay, welp, I'm out, love is awesome, bye!
Wednesday August 7, 2002
Wow. I can't believe I haven't written since MAY! It's so weird. But anyway, school ended. Graduation happened. I was kinda sad at graduation... just because of Kevin though. All I needed were a few weeks to go into a miserable fit, criedmy eyes out for days, and I bounced back. I walked by his house today and barely thought of him. Anyway, I can't wait for school to start up, and my summer is flying. My job sucks, but only because I'm being forced to work. Um... everything's great. Chris is great :-D :-D. He's the only male relevant enough to mention. My mom's in the hospital, kidneys are acting up again. We're scared she's going to have to go on dyalisis soon. But we can hope for better. I spent the day at Margie's, had a BLAST. Fun fun fun... So This happiness will last me a while. Anywho, leaving now. Toodles!
Thursday May Twenty-Third, 2002
I went on my eighth grade retreat today... AWESOME! Yeah... I'm soo happy, my SLP teaching is done. I'm totally feeling like a whole new person right now... It's the coolest feeling!!! Nayway, I'm out, ttfn.
Sunday May Nineteenth, 2002
Wow. I am SO beyond ready for this all to be over! I know I am going to regret saying this, but I feel like it's true. I feel as thought I'm done, and this bullshit that comes at the end of the year is all irrelevent. Oh, wait... It is ALL irrelevent! Grr! Why am I being forced to sit in a miserable hot classroom, when I could be doing things I need to do! Fuck beans. Another thing, I cannot stop thinking about how a... certain person is leaving... and how I have said so much. It's so different. I've said everything I need to say, but I'm just not getting a response. Whatever.
Ttfn
¤ § ¤
Bet I'd feel better if only I could find the door.
Sunday May Fifth, 2002
2:10 AM
I am so sick of how people pretend they are something they're not. But that's irrelevant, so nevermind. Right now, I am so tired of being a divorced child. The two of them can never agree on ANYTHING. It is so frustrating. But what-e-ver! It's my new motto. Honestly. You people are way to uptight and fake. Just relax. Whatever happens happen. Deal with it. Suck - it - up! Grrr... Okay, enough of that. Ta.
Tuesday April Thirtieth, 2002
Okay, so I have no idea what is wrong with me. I just feel like my life is meaningless. Like, everything's pointless. What's the point of life anyway? I feel so incomplete. I feel empty. I want to be in a relationship so much right now, but I know I can't find anything serious, that I want right now. With Him, I thought he could be someone I would cherish for a while. But even He seems to be fading out of my life. I don't understand how I can be so obnoxiously happy one minute, and then obnoxiously miserable the next. At least I'm obnoxious all the time. Whatever.
*I'm sinking slowly, so hurry, hold me.*
Afterthought - I am so sad. Graduation is only a little more than a month away. I am going to cry like a little baby. I realized today how much I really am going to miss Kevin. HE's moving away at the end of the year, and I probably will never see him again, seeing as how he is moving to Texas. I might not talk to most of the people in my class after this year, and they all feel like they're a part of my life. Oh, what a depressing thought. I need to go cry. Goodbye.
Thursday, April Twenty-Fifth, 2002
Kay, so I haven't written in FOREVER! Sorry about that, last year school shit is a whole lot of pressure. I CAN'T WAIT! We figured out that we have 26 school days until we graduate!!! YES!!!! Anyway, just letting you know I'm alive. I'm very busy lately... Hehehe, if you catch my drift. :-P TTFN!
Tuesday, April Sixteenth, 2002
COME ON BABY MAKE IT HURT SO GOOD! WOO!! I'm a TAD hyper... I'm having a really great week and I'm not sure why. Actually I do. Except I'm not telling you. So don't ask. Haha, I'm hilariously cruel sometimes. ANYWAY! Someone stop me! I need to be slapped. Honestly. Oh, well. I LOVE SOMEONE! Hehehe...
Some of me wants to use him, some of me wants to be used by him....
Friday, April Fifth, 2002
Well, hello there. Apoligies for last entry, PMS is a bitch. Not that it was actually PMS. I'm just saying in general, Pis a bitch. Yeah. ANYWAY! WHEN did I beocme a boy magnet?! Just out of curiousity! Whatever. Hahahaha.. Yeah okay. Long story, still in the process, don't want to tlak about it but I just wanna say I like (insert your name here.) Haha, that was lame. But I do REALLY like this one person and I'm HOPING BEYOND HOPE that this.. thing that is happening... is them. It's a big mess. Yeah, so enough of my interesting life, whats up with you? Oh, that's nice. Man, that sucks. I'm sorry to hear that....
Afterthought: Sorry about not writing in forever, we got a new computer, and I got my own computer, so I've been using that, but it doesn't have internet access yet, so I only use the internet once in a while now. Yeah. BYE!
Friday, March Twenty-Second, 2002
DUMB FUCK! STUPID ASSHOLE!! FLUG NUTS!!!!! I am having a horrible day! This is Gretchen's first day of existence lol, btw, in case you care. But anyway!!! I'M HAVONG A HORRIBLE, TERRIBLE, NO GOOD, VERY BAD DAY!!! Guys in my lass found out about all three guys I like, I got a splinter and couldn't get it out. I waited outside for someone, because I was going to tell them I liked them, and he didn't even show up. I almost cried on the way home. But.. I have a movie night with my Youth Group tonight, so I'm gonna go hug my stuffed animal and get ready. Ta.
***Okay, I just got back from the thing, and it was AWESOME! I had a great time!! :-D !! I didn't think about HIM once!!! (I was too distracted by my friends, fun and toher hOTT GUYS!!)
Wednesday, March Twentienth, 2002
Okay, it seems like everyone is really pissy tonight. And I don't get why. Maybe there's another stupid rumor going around. I can't help but feel like I'm being avoided. GRRRR!!! I don't undertstand. Whatever! I guess I'll wait until tomorrow and talk to non-pissy people then. Like, everyone is being really weird tonight, and I say weird in a bad way here. Oh, well..... I'm gonna go work out and listen to crappy music.. Ta!
Sunday March Seventeenth, 2002
Happy Saint Patty's Day!!! I sang at a Confirmation today. Haha, the seventh graders are so funny. Yeah. I had a ton of fun. Hey, nicki, that was great. "Footsies!" Rofl. Anyway, I'm pretty happy, weekend was kind of boring, but nonetheless, I had fun. So.. yeah. Screw it all. It's funny how I can be so frustrated and hopeful at the same time. Once again, I'm debating whether or not to tell... "him"... that I like him. HELP!
Tuesday March Twelfth 2002
How did I manage to single-handedly fuck everything up so badly??
Monday March Eleventh, 2002
Wow. Six months. It feels like it was so long ago, like lifetimes ago, but in reality it hasn't been. I feel like I've matured in this short time. We watched 9/11 in class and it was like, watching the reactions of everyone was just really an experience. It made me realize who was worth my time at the moment, who had learned enough from that day to move forward in life. I realized that I've grown so much. I've changed from a girl to (shock, shock) a young woman. I'm ready. I'm ready for anything you can throw at me. I feel like I'm totally capable of running my own life, and I can't wiat for the chance to prove it to all these people who bring me down. I can't wait to leave this place. I can't wait until I've left you all behind. (Aren't I sweet?)
Anyway... Big news. But I don't feel like sharing with total strangers, I don't even feel like sharing it with my closest friends. I feel like everyone's making such a big deal out of it... I mean, it is a big deal.. But for some reason I feel like I'm undeserving. Oh well. Sorry for that little blip, if you know what's going it shouldn't have been too bad anyway. *Sigh* I'm tired and confused again. It's so bad. I'm like, being stretched in so many differnt directions, and now I feel like my every move is monitored, and one little mistake could pop this fairy tale. But whatever, I'll let you go now. Later
Wednesday, February Twenty-Seventh 2002
Today SUCKED. Don't ask, don't pester, just don't bother. I already wrote a like 12 page email to Chris explaining, and perosnally, with the exception of my friends (You know who you are.) I HATE PEOPLE! But whatever. :-D Anyway, hopefully tommorrow will be better. At least I learned that I can't really trust you.
Tuesday, February Twenty-Sixth, 2002
Wow.. ummm I haven't written in a while.. Obviously... So... Um.. Wow.. My life is pretty boring... I've decided that the people I trusted aren't really worty of my trust, and the people I only kinda liked, are really nice people. So I've basically gotten a whole new grounp of friends. But it's all good. Elliott gets out of his GH Monday, but still won't tell me why he was there in the first place. Oh, well. Chris didn't email me back yet. I'm kinda nervous, I have no idea why.... I wanna see 40 Days and 40 Nights this weekend with Tracey and Lisa, but I'm going to be at my mom's and I promised Chris I would see him, so I have no idea what's going on. I repeat, oh, well. Right now there is almost no one online, and I'm wondering why, because when I left and hour ago, I was talking to freaking 14 people. Poo. Anyway, I've been really tired lately, so I think I'm going to go like, shower and sleep. But I still have laundry to do and lyrics to print out. I think I'm getting sick. I got a migraine today during a test, and I feel really warm. Not to mention I'M TIRED! Lol, anyways, I'll write back later, Until then, Stay out of the daylight!! (LMAO Goth Talk rocks!)
Friday, February Fifteenth, 2002
God. I hate Valentine's Day. With a flippin' passion! Its not becasue I have no one to celebrate it with, but only because it reminds me that another year has gone by and I still haven't worked up the courage to be honest with the one guy I really.. really, really, REALLY like. (Like, REALLY.) Every time, it's the same thing. I see all the happy couples, and it doesn't bother me too much, especially if they make a good couple, because then I'm happy for them. But I'm miserable. I'm very tempramental right now. My Sanctuary isn't helping much. The people in my class annoy me to no end, and I can't escape! But anyway.. I'm so nervous about this guy.. I'm pretty sure he knows, but I don't know if he believes it... I just... It's one of those infatuations you just can't shake. It's pretty bad. I can't even begin to describe why I like him. There's just too many reasons. And I'm tired of these meaningless *things* I get involved in. The closest I've come to love was Elliott.. and that was... well, you can imagine. So.. I'm ready for something serious. Or at least something where I'm more than only lukewarm about the person. I'm tired of going.. Oh, it was my one month anniversary with (insert name here)yesterday. Oh well. We haven't talked since we started going out, kinda thing. I hate it. Seriously. SO I really wan this guy, but I'm scared. Like shaking scared. Like I can barely breathe when I know he's around, and I get all warm and fuzzy when I think about him. I've never been this scared before,a nd I'm not one to wait to express my feelings, but I've felt this way soooo long, and I'm WAY too scared that I'd get rejected by him, because even though we barely ever talk, he means more to me than probably all my past boyfriends combined. Sigh. I hate being this age.
Saturday, February Ninth, 2002
Blah. I went to the mall last night.. kinda sucked.. Dance tonight.. Can't wait.. I've decided I can't wait until I get to high school. I finally will get to leave all these people that drag me down behind, and I'll get to meet poeple on my level, that are more worth my time. No offense to anyone I speak to now.. Ya know I love you. I'm also kind of sad though, because this is my last year at SMG, and even though I was only here for 2 and a half years, I still feel like I've been here my whole life, and the people I'm with now have been my friends for as long as I can remember. Sadness. Oh well. Sorry, once again, because I haven't written in a while.. I'm just not that into it anymore, and I'm really busy lately. Pah. I've realized a lot of the guys I used to like are beastley. That unfortunate for me. LOL! Oh well.. I still think they're hot. I have the weirdest taste in guys. Speaking of guys.. I was in Church the other day to meditate lol with the rest of my class and the mix of insence and everything smelled exactly like Elliott's cologne. It was driving me nuts. *sigh* Well, the past is the past, gotta let go... :-P I'm gonna go talk to the boring people...
January Thirtieth, 2002
I got locked out... It sucked. It was raining and cold.. and I wan on my porch doing my homework.. Thankfully my neighbor came out and saw me, and let me stay in her house until Sherri got home. I really gotta start rememberin my key! Anyway, I had bball last night, 2 hours of practice.. yuck lol. I was tired. And now I'm sore. All over. It's pretty bad.. Last night, I had a dream about Kevin. I couldn't look him in the eye today. 'Nuff said. (Lisa - SWEET! LMAO!) And... I'm trying to think if anything else interesting happened over the past few days.. Nothing I can really think of.. I had homework.. and then I got online lol, and here I am.. I have an away message up 'cuz no ones talking. This summer, I'm gonna get my own computer!!!! I'm SO excited!!! Since I'm going to be getting paid this summer, I'm helping my dad save up for his. Once he gets his, he's giving this trusty buddy to my grandfather and I get my granfather's. Me. With Internet access in my room. Pretty scary huh? My parents are worried they'll never see my again, so they're going to limit my access. At least they think they are lol. Anyway, Nicki and Margie just came on so I'm gonna go talk to them. Toodles!
*Ya can all sleep sound tonight.. I'm not crazy*
I can be your hero.. I can kiss away the pain..
(Awwww.. Lisa I'm gonna cry again, damnit!!)
January Twenty-Sixth, 2002
Whoops.. sorry I haven't written... Too much going on.. If I babble, I'm sorry.. I got up at 6 this morning to take yet another scholarship exam.. Yawn.. I went skating with Margie. That loser Patt didn't show.. And Lisa, Jordan, and Alex (<3) did tho.. So it wasn't too bad.. We won our game on Friday, so we're in the final 4 for district champs! Yay! Go us! We have another game 2morrow at 3:30.. Hopefull we win lmao! Wish me luck! Anyways, gotta run.. or walk... or grope my way blindly to my bedroom and SLEEP! Bye!
Oh yeah, I was talking to Lisa about this guy... And she told me some things I didn't know about him that are *really* sad.. I felt soo bad for him I cried!!!!! It was so bad! I was sitting in Art class crying for some guy I barely knew! Oh, well.. He's cute.. and sensitive.. awww! I feel so bad!!
January Twenty-Second, 2002
Hey! Can't write much. I'm happy, long story, not quite sure why... Mid-terms suck. I'm in mad-chaos mode. Whatever. I went from school to a yearbook metting til 5, then from there home to eat and change and start h/w, then to robotics till 9, got home, h/w and study, and now here I am. Phew. Anyway, I'll write when I have more time..
I wanna wake up where you are..
January Twenty-First, 2002
Well... Yesterday was pointless. I was so tired, and I didn't feel good. I showed up at the basketball game so that the coach couldn't yell at me. My teammates are very unsuppotive of me. Very. You guys suck lol. They were making fun of me for umm.. my... fondness? of a certain.. individual.. who will remain nameless. Yeah. That was mean. Lol, I'm just playin. But I think you guys just have bad taste, that's all. Whatever. So I realized today that I did something I really, really regret. I was just sitting here thinking, because there was nothing better to do lol, and I realized that what Ryan did to me that I'm still fuming over, was the exact same thing I did to ... someone from my past. So, I'm trying to get a hold of him, to apoligize, because I realize that that's not something to be proud of, and that it really does hurt when it happens. I hate to bring it up again and bring back all the pain, but this has gotta be resolved. I don't want to live with knowing that he could be thinking about me what I think about Ryan. So.. wish me luck, and hope he doesn't hate me too much. I'll write later.
*Heavy is the head that wears the crown*
January Nineteenth, 2002
I'm beginning to hate winter. 6-8 inches of SNOW!! Me, Catie, and Tanya went around Bridgeport and shoveled, I got five bucks out of the whole thing, but it was fun. I like Tanya, but it worries me that she's fifteen and hangs out with my 12 year old sister. Whatever. She's nice to hang out with, but not wuite friend material. I talked to Carm today, for the first time in a long while. I was bored and I decided to call her up. I thought she would have been surprised to hear from me, but she even recognized my voice. I tried to get a hold of Elliott, but he had already taken off before I called. I wanted to go over his house tonight with Carm and Sheeny, but none of us had rides because of the damned snow. It'd cold too. I'm sitting here with a blanket wrapped around me, thats how bad it is. Anyway, tommorrow I might go shopping for my gradution dress cuz my mom wants to go before it gets too crowded. The game last night was horrible. We lost for like, the first time in a month. They kicked our sorry asses. I finally got to play up front though, which I was hoping for. Unfortunatley, both Meghan and Miranda got injusred sooo now we only have five girls playing. Which isn't a whole lot, especially because playoffs start next week. Mr. Leavins is a little pschyo, but I'm not getting into that. On Monday, I get to babysit Abby for the first time! Yay! And hopefully Kevin or Margie will come over and we'll go sledding, because we have off. Anyway, ttyl. I think I'm going to go try to call Elliott again. So.... I'll write either tommorrow or Monday.
*I can't wait for summer!*
January Eighteenth, 2002
Well.. the bus ride home was interesting!!!! RAJA BELL DOES NOT SUCK! And even if he does wear dresses, yall know I don't mind!! ;-) Whatever. Anyway, Ryan was all in my face again. It's kinda like, okay let it go. We agreed we don't like eahcother, so don't talk to me okay? *Sigh* I have no idea what he thinks he's accomplishing by just pissing me off. Lotsa people can do that, it's not a challenge. Anyway, I have a game tonight at 8! Wish me luck! It's against Mt. Carmel. I heard they're pretty good, but we'll see. Hopefully I'll get a basket, so I don't feel like I'm a total failure. *Winks* Cuz ya know how crappy my self-esteem is.
*Love come quickly, because I feel my self-esteem is caving in*
-Savage Garden
January Seventeenth, 2002
Well. Wow. For those of you that go to my school and are in my class, you know what happened today. I guess I shouldn't make it public knowledge because ya know the whole, "This is going to stay in these walls" thing. I don't think it was fair, I don't think it was justified, and I don't think it was right. She had no right to invade our privacy, but it was kinda funny cuz I think she was disappointed that she didn't nail more than four people. Those four people though, man! Yikes. I know. (I was one of them!!) Eek. Whatever, I was the luckiest because she got to me before Sister found out. PHEW! Okay, so does she not remember what it was like to be 13?? To have no idea what you wanted, who you are, who you want to be with, what you want to do, all that fun stuff?? I got nailed because I had things written that I was using to decide things that I was confused about. Guys. And she flipped. But whatever. I dont feel like talking about it. Yesterday was better than the day before, which was an all out disaster. Yesterday was okay. The day before, Tuesday, was a living hell. The whole Anti-Ryan thing went down and if you're in my school, you know what happened. (If you don't too bad. This whole thing may not interest you very much.) So I felt like I was ebing ditched by two of my friends, which is a lot because I don't really get along with many people in my class. (They annoy me a lot because they're all immature, stupid little members of the Hive.) So then I went to Robotics and who shows up but.. Ryan! And he's all up in my face the rest of the meeting and it was just a very upsetting situation. Then I left and went straight to basketball to catch the ending half of my practice there. My coach brought in another school to scrimmage with us, and I think the only reason he did was to learn their moves. Oi! But it was very very tiring, and I was in a really bad mood, and I didn't feel like playing. And it showed. I played really really badly. I met a couple new people, but ehh that's alright. So, whatever. Glad you cared enough to read this, I'm glad I'm loved. :-D
To the world you may be one person,
but to one person, you may be the world
|
